Coming Home to Your Body After a Photographer has Hurt You
Danika Dobson
Owner of Flesh and Flora Photography
A Dallas Artist's Thoughts on “Red Flags” and a Somatic Guide Regarding Recovery Post Assault
Trigger/Content Warning: Mentions of sexual assault/abuse
First, if you are a survivor of sexual abuse, you are strong and should not harbor any guilt regarding what happened to you. You are the owner of your body, your boundaries are yours, and you are allowed to feel what you feel.
I want to keep my discussion of problematic photographers short because fuck them, they don’t deserve a story. However, there are general themes and similarities, or “red flags”, in the assault stories I’ve heard involving photographers…here are a few:
Poor communication, failure to delivery edits… claiming to “have lost the files”. So many people have heard this, and often times, the people hearing this are femme models working with masc photographers who asked the model to get nude and often do more than she was comfortable with
Not allowing a client/model to bring a friend, spouse, or partner to a session
Touching a model/client inappropriately or often or in a creepy way. A photographer should always ask before they can touch you, and we can definitely do our jobs without touching you at all in most cases. . again, a support buddy is great in this instance too
Asking you to do poses you aren’t comfortable with, especially more than once. You can always say “No!”. You ALWAYS have autonomy over your body and can do what you feel empowered to do OR not do
Taking a lot of nude or sexy photos, and not receiving edits of said images
Not receiving edits at all
Messaging you inappropriately before or after your session, via text or social media
Asking you to send them nudes or sexy photos
Being sexually aroused during a session
There are definitely more, but these have been the most common stories I’ve been told so far. I’ve been reaching out to various models in the Dallas community after some things were brought to my attention. There are several Dallas photographers whose claim to fame is through their Instagram accounts, doing free “collaborative” photo shoots with upcoming models. Their creative talents are overshadowed by the haunting stories of models being assaulted mid-shoot, the inappropriate behaviors, or maybe being aroused during a session. Models have had their livelihoods threatened while abusers float on unscathed. I want to name names, but to my knowledge, none of these stories have been reported yet, but they happened. They are as real as you and are way too fucking common. It isn’t only these free photographers or just the Texas community, there are stories coming out of “big-time” photographers who ran large photography brands, being just as abusive and hurtful. To say problematic is an understatement.
If you have a weird feeling before shooting with someone, vet their background and experience with past clients or people they have worked with. Check their Instagram, Facebook, and their Google/Yelp pages to find people. Trust that gut feeling, always…your intuition is there to protect you. I also recommend using a contract when working with a photographer to establish dates, times, and terms.
If something has happened to you, you have the choice to heal and shed any shame or guilt you feel. You also have the choice to say something OR say nothing. Just know, it was absolutely not your fault.
If you are feeling activated right now, it is okay, breathe.
Breathe in as long as feels natural, and start to extend your exhale breath just a little longer than you’re used to, keep doing this for ten cycles of breath if you feel anxious
Repeat the above statement before proceeding if you are feeling overwhelmed
Coming home to your body after abuse and trauma is not an easy task, but it is rewarding and you deserve it.
Your body is yours
Your boundaries are yours
It was not your fault
Your feelings are valid
If it feels good, hug yourself or cross your arms across your chest, resting hands on opposite shoulders, and tap each shoulder
Repeat to yourself: “I am safe. I am loved. I am in my body” as you slowly scan the room/place you are sitting in
If it feels good, you can touch any place on yourself that needs love, breathe into that space
Your body has an energy field of boundaries around it, you can bring them tight around you as needed if you ever feel overstimulated or unsafe. Assign your boundaries a color and visualize them protecting you, always
When feelings come up regarding trauma you’ve gone through, feel those feelings. But, feel where they live in your body. Where do those sensations manifest? As you feel them, breathe into them and love yourself through it. Don’t resist what you feel, let it flow
Avoid resistance as much as possible. When you resist the feelings and sensations that bubble up within you, it almost amps them up and makes them happen more. Try to notice them, and be as neutral as possible towards them, breathing into them, giving them space, and eventually watching them leave
Connecting with an artist can be a transformative experience, and they should help you safely navigate having your photos taken. You have the power and choice to dress how you want, be as clothed or as naked as you choose, and even to stop your session at any moment.
Stay safe and keep loving yourself <3
Resources:
National Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors and their Loved Ones
